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Hi Captain Lim
We live in the UK and fly regularly on holiday. Our 11-year-old son (who is very intelligent and rational in every respect) has developed a complete phobia of flying out of the blue (although he has flown since he was 2). We think it may be related to a very turbulent flight to the US when he was 6, and possibly compounded by repeated ear pain during descent on a number of recent flights.
Are you aware of any resources that would help us to handle his fear of flying? We contemplated a fear of flying program run by one of the major airlines, but I don’t want to expose him to the anxieties of adults on such a program, as I suspect their anxieties will probably go far beyond his own.
Flying is so much part of modern life and I am concerned that unless we help him to overcome this issue, he will lose out on so much over the coming years. Thank you very much for your help.
Kind regards,
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
Yours is the second case that I have come across of a child who has developed fear of flying as he grows older. Unlike an adult who can appreciate what is often written about how to overcome flying phobia, a child's psychological approach may be slightly different. It may be difficult to know that your child's fear was indeed traced to a very turbulent flight he had experienced before.
There are cases of children's anxiety that arose not because of a fear of flying, but rather because of some family conflicts. For instance, a child who has to fly from one divorced parent to another may feel very anxious because of helplessness and abandonment. Further, a child's fear may also reflect his or her parent's anxieties too - things their parents are secretly struggling with. So, in such cases, a child's fear may not be due to flying at all. I hope this does not apply in your case.
I have written a fair amount on this subject and most adults do appreciate them. I believe a child still needs guidance from the adult to explain to him about air safety and any abnormal weather phenomena, such as turbulence or wind shear.
As I have mentioned in the above FAQ, treatment for fear of flying includes, amongst others, enhancing one's knowledge about flying (principle of flight, meteorology - turbulence in particular, how strong airplane are built, etc); participate in fear of flying program; thinking positively and learning relaxation technique or trying a clinical approach.
As regards to his repeated ear pain, have you ever explained to your son in detail that when he flies with a cold, he is most likely to experience these discomfort? Yes, the pain can be excruciating, and not knowing what causes it may make him to believe that every flight can be a painful ordeal. What more, if accompanied by severe turbulence?
Since you mentioned that you do not want your child to be exposed to the anxieties of adults in any fear of flying program, I would like to recommend you to a fellow lady Boeing 777 captain who has recently started her Teleseminar in the USA. First, listen to her very soothing voice by clicking on the play button in her site here. If you like what you hear, you can proceed from there onward. It has all the privacy that your son (guided by you) needs.
I wish you every success in helping your child to overcome his fear of flying.
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Flying the Plane 
