Ask Captain Lim - Is it true that you won't be able to stay faithful if you are a pilot?

Hello Captain Lim,

I have recently visited your web site and have found it to be a very good source of information. I am currently in flight training - only about 60 hours away from getting my commercial rating. I*ll be flying for the airlines and plan to make a career out of it. One of the only things that concern me is the toll that it takes on the family life. I am not married yet, (I*m 22 years old) but planning for the future.

I am wondering if it*s really as bad as some people say - it is the relationships between pilots and flight attendants and things like that. Are there ways to let people know that you aren*t in to that and that you are faithful to your wife and family?

Have you had experiences with pilots or copilots that have been able to do that? Everyone I talk to always say "Oh, you won't be able to stay faithful to your wife if you are a pilot!" How discouraging! There have got to be some pilots that are able to do that!

Thanks for taking the time to read my email and I look forward to your answer and to being up there at 30,000 feet!

Just wondering…

Bryan Harris

Hi Bryan,

You can blame the movies for portraying that pilots generally have a tendency of hopping from bed to bed with their pretty flight attendants at every night-stopping station when away from base. The reality of the situation is further from what is being perceived by the public.

What I can vouch for is that, a high percentage of crew does marry among themselves. This is quite normal bearing in mind that the nature of their work tends to group them together more often than with others – just like doctors with nurses, teachers and teachers, etc.

Of course, it cannot be denied that the proximity of working with each other regularly tends to breed familiarity - hence more casual relationship between the cockpit and cabin crew. It happens in every organization. That is why some airlines have a policy of often separating them into different hotels.

Are there ways to let people know that you are faithful to your wife and family? Sure, take them along with you on some of your long flights and introduce them to all your crew! (I just did that and only returned from a long haul flight this morning – was 3 days in Zurich and did a side tour to Geneva too)

You know, I get almost the same remarks what everyone has said to you. It is not true. It depends on the individual. (Maybe you should talk to my wife !)